I blog about things that matter to me
Profile — Extremely Asian and Incredibly Different — Extremely Weird and Incredibly Spontaneous — Extremely Loud and Incredibly Hyper — Extremely Dangerous and Incredibly Explosive Chat Exits Yann Chien Ser RuiShen Wenn WeiJian Jolynn AunChian HuiHoon Joanne AiPeng WenXin Rin Mason HinYaw&XiaoLung Music Archives Memories November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 August 2011 September 2011 "> Credits ©CY.	Sunday, October 10, 2010 tearing up from the inside isnt something i can bare anymore its killing me slowly too slowly why cant it just end i want to rewrite history that way i can stop this pain i wouldnt change anything else in history just this one thing that caused me so much pain im a ticking time bomb i want to get rid of that fact so i am no longer a bomb i want to calm down! but i cant.. fucking shit not letting me! i shout scream cry weep curl up in a corner but what happens? nothing nobody comes and saves me nobody comforts me some try but all fail they cant do it cause i dont share my feelings its not i dont want to its i cant cause if i do all they will say is stop thats enough because they dont want to hear those sad angry depressed feelings happy ones never seem to last not matter how many i make its never enough i cant say im the only person in the whole world that lives through fighting the anger within but i can say i am one of those people i dont show people my anger i only want them to see my smile hear my laugh see me act a fool thats what i cover up with yes its a lie but its a lie that doesnt hinder anybody i dont want people to feel sad for me because that would make me feel more sad and make me feel guilty for making them sad i can never finish describing my feelings because there are just too many i just want somebody to save please.. kill me so i dont feel this pain anymore i hate being empty inside no hole is present inside me and i dont feel lighter i feel heavy yet empty what is this... please take me to a place that makes sense cause nothing last forever with bloodshot eyes i cry who am i kidding.. crying aint gonna solve anything why do you think im not able to smile unless im with friends they are the mask to my emotions they are the water that washes away my sadness they are the ones i turn to they are those that i will never let down ... they are the ones i call family CY
and those around me